"One foot in and one foot out!" or "That box doesn't fit anymore"

You found your way to my blog!  Welcome!

I am Kathy, the artist behind KP Reynolds Art.  If you had asked me 3 years ago or anytime before that where I would be I would not have said a professional artist.  I secretly longed to be an artist but I always told myself I couldn’t be an artist. Which is funny because I have been a professional Stage Manager in live entertainment for over 30 years, I’ve been to two art schools and crafted my little heart out for years.  I could say my journey as an artist began in 2020 when Covid shut down my industry, but it really began much earlier in my life.

I remember when I was around 7 or 8 watching my mom and my older brother draw.  She drew cartoons and my brother drew but leaned toward realism and technical drawing.  When I sat down to draw though, my drawings looked nothing like theirs (Of course they wouldn’t!) and so I told myself I couldn’t be an artist because I could not draw, and I stopped trying.  I know it sounds silly but think about the stories we each tell ourselves and believe!

It wasn’t until my brother gave me a camera that I found a pathway into the world I wanted to be a part of.  I was 21 and I had already been in theatre for 7 years and had been professionally stage managing for 4 years.  (There’s a whole lot of story behind how I ended up finding theatre but I’ll save that for another time).  I fell in love with photography! I didn’t have to draw! I would spend the next several years learning and diving deep into photography.  This was before digital, so I even built my own darkroom. (Thanks Mom and Dad for letting me have a corner in the basement).  I finally hit a wall with how far I could go, and I still wanted to go further so after I got married to the love of my life (You’ll hear more about him later too) we moved to Savannah, GA so I could go to Savannah College of Art and Design as a photography major.  I was 29 by now and felt a little like a fish out of water but I was determined.  I even got a partial scholarship to attend.  2 years later we were struggling so we moved back to Kentucky.  He went back to working in theatre and I found a job in a photo lab.  Honestly, the funds were still lacking so I fell back into Stage Managing, which, funny enough, paid better.  

Once I got pregnant the world of theatre didn’t seem like it would be conducive to a baby. I was able to get a job at a portrait studio for a while, but I was becoming disenchanted by it all.  After baby #2 I fell back into theatre where I would stay through baby #3.  Between Baby #2 and #3 I attended the Academy of Art in San Francisco online in hopes that I would finish my degree.  I was convinced I needed that little piece of paper.  This was around 2008 so of course I had to stop attending school when the 2008 crash happened.  (This is when my husband left theatre which we would be grateful for in 2020). I gave up on photography.  I thought that it just wasn’t for me.  I did go on to do many crafting adventures.  I made and sold my own jewelry, pottery, clay dragons, wire wrapped trees, hand sewn bags and more.  Nothing was satisfying.  What is so funny about all of this is that from the time I got married till 2020 I painted as a hobby and for stress relief.

In 2020, of course, the pandemic hit, and the entertainment industry was shut down.  I was lost but, to be honest, I was also relieved.  I had been done as a Stage Manager since 2012.  I didn’t want to do it anymore, but I didn’t feel I could turn down the paycheck and I didn’t know what else to do. I had been lost since 2012. 

At the beginning of the pandemic, I did some paint parties on Facebook.  I enjoyed it at first, but it wasn’t satisfying.  I started selling paint kits that had video instructions by me but again it wasn’t completely satisfying.  I enjoyed the painting, but I wanted to go deeper, and I wanted it to be more than simple acrylic paintings.  I yearned for more knowledge and techniques. Enter the Milan Art Institute!

In the spring of 2020, I found the Milan Art Institute.  They had a one-year intensive online program that I just knew I had to do.  It was a cost that I wasn’t sure we could handle so I started with their beginner class.  I also wanted to see if this was a fly by night kind of thing.  I mean, NOW I can see it was what my whole life was leading up to but in the middle of it all I could think was about the many things I started art/craft wise and didn’t finish.  I couldn’t risk our finances at that point since I had no idea how long I would be out of work.  I fell in love!  That was it, I was going to do whatever it took to do this program!!

So, for the next year I did an online ambassador job for the homeschool program we used (Did I mention we’ve homeschooled our kids since 2013?) and I paid for the 1-year Mastery Program!  It was the absolute best decision I could have made.  Was it stressful? Yes.  Did I doubt myself every step of the way? Absolutely, but I felt like I had come home to myself.  The journey was painful, and I certainly had a long way to go but I knew this was it.  However, that doubt that I experienced caused me to also be waiting patiently for my industry to return.  What would happen then? I was still telling myself that I needed theatre for that paycheck. While I was a contractor/freelancer in theatre the paycheck was a sure thing once you got the contract.  It was still too difficult to see how to make this art thing profitable. 

I did two contracts in 2021 in theatre, and neither was satisfying or enjoyable (1 was on Zoom and that really wasn’t fun!) but it was a paycheck.  I fell behind in my 1-year program due to the other contract and I felt derailed.  Once the contract was done it took me a bit to get back on track.  I finished checking off the boxes to graduate in November 2021 but I had missed the ceremony so I would have to wait till August 2022 to do my official graduation.  The program does a graduation once a year at their art conference in August. 

While I waited for my official graduation, I worked toward getting my name out.  I ended up getting into the Cherokee Triangle Art Fair.  This was exciting because it was one of the top 2 fairs I had dreamed of being an exhibiting artist in when I was younger.  I thought it would be as a photographer but, as you read above, that wasn’t meant to be.  It went well!  I also got invited to do the other fair I had always wanted to do, St James Art Show!

Now, let me explain how St. James works. There are 5 different areas, and each is considered a separate show.  I had just applied to be in the main court when I got invited to the 1400 Association during the Cherokee Triangle Art Fair.  I didn’t know what to do.  I had told myself that I would not do it unless I was where I wanted to be.  Later, I would get wait listed for the Court.  I will let you know how that turned out further down.

I did another small fair. I sold a few things online.  Products mostly.  I struggled with a commission that literally sat on my easel for a year!  I was struggling y’all.  I was struggling showing up for myself.  I kept falling into the “should be” trap. I should be painting 20-40 hours a week.  I wasn’t. I should be posting regularly and consistently on social media.  I wasn’t.  I should be making sources every day. I wasn’t.  I should be promoting more. I tried and honestly, I fell into a gross marketing kind of thing.  Nothing was feeling good or authentic in any way!  I was spiraling!  This was supposed to be the thing.  It was supposed to be my next, new career.  I thought I loved this as much as I once loved theatre.

I committed to the August 2022 art conference at the Milan Art Institute in Georgia in hopes that I would find what I was missing.  Then in July I was contacted for a theatre contract.  At first, I thought the universe was testing my resolve to being a professional artist but then I looked at it as a gift because I needed a paycheck to continue down this road.  They even agreed to work around my conference conflict, so I accepted.  So here I was once again with one foot in and one foot out of the world of theatre.  I had spent 10 years in that place so why not one more contract.

The conference took place one week after my contract started.  The conference was joyful, painful and amazing! I learned more about marketing and how not to feel gross. I learned some new techniques.  I met some fantastic fellow artists.  It was the 3^rd day that was painful.  I woke up feeling like I was a fraud, and I didn’t belong.  What was I doing there? I needed to be back in Louisville Stage Managing.  That is what I had done my whole life and I needed to be doing the work I had signed on to do.  What was this pipe dream of me being an artist? So, so, so many negative thoughts.  It was difficult to get them under control.  I was fortunate that my husband had gone with me because without his support I would have packed up my car and gone home.

That 3^rd day was an important emotional journey for me to go on.  I cried in front of my mentors. I cried in front of my fellow artists. I couldn’t figure out why I was so emotional and then it hit me.  I had to speak for up to 2 minutes at graduation. I was freaking out!  Well, I graduated and spoke about my work not only in front of a room full of people, but it was broadcast all over the world to all the online conference attendees.  I have spoken about my role in theatre to huge crowds and not had the emotional breakdown that I had when having to speak about my art.  It’s because it is so personal.  There is work I do that feels like it is my heart laid out for all to see.  Then I returned to the Stage Management box where my painful journey continued but only for a few weeks. 

Everything about Stage Managing no longer fits me and if I let myself ponder too long, I start to question if it ever really did.  I choose to view most of my experiences as preparing me for this journey that I am on now.  You see, it is too late for me to turn back.  I no longer fit in that box. My body literally can no longer carry the stress that it must as a Stage Manager.  I also do not want to. The price is too high for me to pay, and I would much rather be standing in front of my easel.  

I ended the theatre journey on August 29^th. I am sitting here on September 25^th having accomplished more in this past month than I have since November 2021.  I finished the first painting of my new portfolio along with 3 additional paintings. I am also preparing for the St. James Court Art Show! I held out and got invited to be in the main court!  And I finished the commission that had been sitting on my easel for a year.  Thank goodness they are a friend with loads of patience!  I will be making a surprise delivery soon. 

I can feel my confidence growing every moment, now that I have both feet walking in the same direction.  It was always hard for me to open up and talk about what I really wanted and who I really was but now that I have no choice but to continue moving forward on this journey, it is easier.  My commitment is stronger than ever, and I can’t wait to see where this path leads to next! For the first time I am looking forward to sharing my journey with you in a more honest and authentic way.

I will share my St. James adventure next! Come see me if you are local.  September 30-Oct 2!